Welcome to Our Nightmare

The conversation I like to imagine is the one that took place at aprox 10:00 a.m. last Thursday morning at a ranch in Arizona. Title: Who Wants to be Leader of the Free World? Senator McCain: So, Sarah. Tell me what you think about America's position in the world? Governor Palin: Well, I think it's so cool that we're like considered a powerhouse. I think we should try to keep it that way. Senator McCain: Good, good. I think so too. What did you think about the Surge? Governor Palin: Well, I'm glad they're evacuatin' New Orleans. DUH, that's what they should do, huh? That's a cool move for them to make. Gotta hand it to Bobby down there. He's a cool guy. Senator McCain: No, not the surge of waves from Gustav - I mean the Surge in Iraq? Governor Palin: Oh, THAT surge. Well, I haven't thought too much about the war over there except that my one and only son signed up for the military last September 11 . I thought that it would look really good for PR. I love to be able to say he will be deployed this September 11. So we better not be fightin' that war for oil. Hell, we got a lot of oil in Alaska, John. Senator McCain: But what do you think about the Surge? Did it work? Governor Palin: Oh, yeah. It was cool how it's been workin' over there. Senator McCain: What do you think about our dependance on foreign oil? Governor Palin: Well, we have a lot of oil in Alaska and we just need to be able to get it out and send it down to the United States because there's an oil shortage down there. You know, John, the United States is craving our oil and gas so we've been workin' on gettin' it to them, to the United States. (let the reader reference the Charlie Rose interview for context here). Senator McCain: Sarah, I hear you're under investigation, what's that all about? Governor Palin: Oh, that's just some of the Haters who hate me in the Legislature. You know, John, we mavericks can really cause havoc sometimes and the Haters just come after us with a vengeance. So, it's not anything at all. Heck, I even investigated myself with the help of my AG. Have you ever heard of that? But that's how open and honest and transparent I am - I investigated myself. So, no, it's nothin' but Haters who hate me because of what I stand for which is openness and honesty and also, you know, it's just what we reformers have to live with - a bunch of Haters and dumbasses. But it's the price we Reformers have to pay. Someone has to Reform America, John, and if it's not gonna be you and me, then who will do it? It's all about reform, John ie:abusing the power. Reformin' the system to make it open and honest and transparent. Senator McCain: So, there's nothing to the investigation? You didn't do anything wrong. Governor Palin: Yup, yup. Nope I didn't do anything wrong. Just workin' on reformin' ie:abusing my power in the State. Senator McCain: Is there anything else I should know about? Governor Palin: Umm. Well, one of my close relatives is in a bit of a situation, but we got it covered and it's all cool. We're working on it. You know, also, just tryin' to keep our eye on the ball of reform - you know, reformin' the systems of governmment to keep them, you know, reform oriented and you know, open and honest and transparent. It's all about reform, John. Senator McCain: Sarah, do you want to run on the ticket with me and be one heartbeat away from the most powerful position in history? Governor Palin: Yup, yup. You bet. Let's go reform ie:abuse America and also, you know, bring the reform ie:abuse that I started in my state when I cleaned the place up and sent all those rotten legislaTORS to prison. Yup, I'm your Reform Gal and we're the Reformin' The Nation ticket, you bet. (word to the reader: it was the FBI who has cleaned up Alaskan politics, but don't let the small details throw you).